All New Spider-Fold: Far From Home
All New Spider-Fold: Far From Home
By Supreme Leader Skywalker/SLS
Note: This story takes place during the road trip segment of OrigVenom and the Attack of Knulligami. Read that story if you haven’t already to understand this one!
For Once Dennis Isn’t Driving
Hi. Aiden Mitchells here. Spider-Fold. Well, not really Spider-Fold. My friend Cal is the real Spider-Fold. I have to have “all-new” in my name, mostly when Cal’s not around. May I just note right now that his big ego, his brother’s and Colt’s are going to effect a lot of the story told.
So Dennis isn’t driving! -yay-
Cal’s mom is. And I’m stuck in the back with Clark, Colt, and Ezra, with my lanky body somehow mushed onto one of the three backseats they were all on, and right in the back of me in the third row is this sleepy uncle named Ricky or something, like from that Adult Swim TV show that Ezra really likes.
“Hey, so, like, you’re an OrigAvenger, right?” Ezra Cronin, wielder of OrigVenom and certified nutzo + friend to the end said.
“This is the sixth time you’ve said that…IN THE PAST FIVE MINUTES!” Clark whispered angrily, his eyes flaring with anger.
“I’m cutting this part out, just so you know,” I mouthed to Cal. He nodded and mouthed back, “Fine, but this is absolute comedy gold, so you owe me.”
FOUR AND 1/2 HOURS LATER…
Four and a half hours later…we had made it! Somehow!
“The B. M. Bendis and S. Pichelli Luxury Hotel,” it read.
Twenty minutes later, we were in our room, but sadly, there were only two beds.
“Hey, where’s my bed?” Cal’s uncle (whatever his name is) said.
“Dibs on the bed!”
Both Clark and Ezra had raced to the bed recklessly. Looks like they were sharing.
So Cal’s weird uncle got the couch, Clark and Ezra DID end up sharing, Cal and his own mother ended up sharing the other bed (ROFL literally always when I think of his face at that moment), and I got the floor.
This’ll be a nice four-day trip, right?
Well, we went to Karl Blonsky Sr.’s house. I got to meet the oh-so-famous philanthropist and TV show developer. Yes, that’s right, before and after his “FunTime” run, he worked and works on serious shows and movies. Also, his children’s entertainment company (which is mostly dissolved by now) sold shampoo for a bit.
How do I know all this? *knocks on head* That’s how.
Ezra and Cal came out of Blonsky Sr.’s house in shock. They were very shooketh. They needed un-shookethening.
“Dude,” I said to Cal. “Idea over here. Idea. Listen to this: get your brains off this nutzo Poe, Knull, experiment gone wrong business, and go to the carnival tonight.”
“A carnival?” Cal said. “Ezra, can we go, can we go, can we go?”
Ezra had a complete poker face on, visibly bothered, but faked a small smile and said, “Suuuuure, bud.”
Cal widened his eyes and said, “Churrrrrros!” He ran away.
“How’s it like…being my best friend’s new sidekick?” Ezra asked no one. “No, no, he’s not a wimp,” Ezra replied to himself.
‘OrigVenom,’ right. That metal illusion again. I don’t know why Chris, Colt, Cal and Samantha Walters believe in him, though. I wouldn’t want an OrigVenom, though, if it turns out one day that he exists. What if he, uh, was watching through your mind during a shower?!?
I punched Ezra in the shoulder and stormed off.
Call of the Weird
“Aiden, dude, why don’t you come with us?” Cal asked. “Remember…CHURROS?”
“No, no, I was just pitching that idea. Imma just stay here and watch documentaries on Ice Age animals with Clark’s coffee bean bag.”
Clark’s ear turned around like some type of magical elf, as if he could sense the word ‘coffee’ being said within a twenty foot radius.
“Aaaaaaaah,” I said. “So much better than the floor.”
I was laying on the master bed, opened my tablet, grabbed my cup o’ joe, and searched for ten-to-fifteen-minute-long mini documentaries about Ice Age creatures.
Just as one video started…
“Well, well,” a certain F.O.L.D. agent Tilly Waterson said. “The weird one of the little Largent’s spider crew or whatever.”
“I’m not weird! Y…you are!” I shouted. “And how did you get in here…you…you femme fatale?”
“Next time, don’t leave the hotel room door unlocked when you come back in,” Jim Powell said—HOLY STAR-LORD! Jim Powell! Legendary F.O.L.D. senior member! Fold Knight! I. Was. Talking. To. Fold Knight!
“Oh my gosh,” I said. “It’s you. Kirby’s one and only Fold Knight. You look so much like Keanu Reeves. I want Keanu Reeves to be Moon Knight’s MCU actor. Wow.”
“Listen, kid,” another voice called. She was next to Tilly, a vibrant young woman with an Anya Corazon Spider-Girl puppet.
“Name’s Tracie. Tracie Dormeuz. Let me make it short. F.O.L.D. is almost nothing now. Kapoof. Pow. Done. Finished. The end. Fin. But a few of us are still together, and Jim got permission to drive us here so we can talk to you about something…”
“…Morter Farer and his team of college-grade psychopaths have been on F.O.L.D.’s radar for years upon years. They torture kids of all ages, and they travel schools across the eastern U.S. Kirby, Wheeler, Ridley, Aldrin, Keaton, Finger, Filoni…McQuarrie.”
“But McQuarrie’s a middle school!” I yelled. “They can’t torture the poor preteens and awkward eleven-year-olds!”
“That’s why I’m here,” an unfamiliar voice said. Across the room came a new face, in…a homemade Mysterio costume?
“I’m Micheal Kasdan. You might know me as Mysterigami.”
“Wait—you’ve fought my teacher!” I said. “Cal Largent, freshmen. Know him, bud?”
“I can assist you,” he said, “that was an imposter. His name is Joe Bortonson. He’s that one weird kid, y’know? And he really likes sloppy joes.”
“No…this can’t be true…Joe?” I asked, in disbelief.
“Yes, sadly,” Micheal said. “Morter and his goons have these super weird weather-related gimmicks to them. Mortimer? Water. Morty? Sand. Mort? Fire. Morter? Smoke. Mortimer, Morty and Mort are gonna attack early tomorrow. Later that day, Morter will strike on Christiansburg Channel Bridge. It’s your choice. Us, or letting them get away to torture those awkward eleven-year-olds, and countless others, too.”
Micheal Kasdan held out his hand. I was cautious.
I shook it.
McQuarrie Middle School. The place where I went for middle school a couple years ago. I even saw some familiar faces: Mrs. Doughty, Mr. Randall, Zack Martin, and a 5-fold “Origami Yoda” on some random sixth grader’s hand! Ha-ha! Just like how I remember it.
“Those three are going to attack this average middle school yard? Why?” I asked.
Tracie was about to reply, when Micheal cut her off before she could speak and said, “It’s about the kill, not the attack. And this place is one of the happiest schools in the world, except for the Martin guy, maybe.”
“No, you’re 100% right, he dragged the school down from an A to a B when I was here,” I responded. Tracie giggled.
“Oh, we were just visiting. Hey, Aiden.”
It was Campbell.
Kellen Campbell and Dwight Tharp! kcampbell999! Minecraft YouTuber DwightyWhiteyTharperSharper69! Origami Yoda! Luke Skyfolder! Now, the “case files” of Origami Yoda and co. had been put on a site that Dwight and Kellen’s associate, Thomas Lokax, made called origamiyoda.com. Ever since the end of middle school, I’ve read all six stories over and over again, and their following mini-stories, like the one about the vandalizer named Duncan with an origami fortune teller in the look of Jango Fett, or the one about a new kid with an origami Palpatine and a kid named Jakob with an origami Mace Windu hanging out before Jakob gets expelled and his crying dude named Mike takes the Windu puppet.
We talked for a bit, and then Dwight told me to say hi to his former pen pal, who is…wow…Cal Largent!
I don’t know why I wrote all that, but perhaps it will be a big draw to people who read this. I mean, it actually happened, all of it, but yeah. You know what I’m saying?
“DENIZENS OF MCQUARRIEEEEEE!”
Three almost identical quadruplets, missing just one of their own: Morter, their leader.
“FOR A GOOD…”
One of them literally picked up a seventh grade and launched them by four feet. They landed on hard cement, and said, “Ow!”
“HEH! CHILDREN! PAIN! YES!”
I walked over quickly and helped the kid up. Mort, the fire one, spotted a mom with her baby near the entrance of the school.
“BABY! DROP! YESSSSS!”
“Oh, not today!” Tracie said, pushing Micheal, who wasn’t actually doing anything, out of the way. She charged at the college dropout, and grabbed him by the shoulders.
“Help her!” I said. “It seems like you know a lot about these things!”
“I do,” he said. “She’s stunning, right?”
“I…I guess so,” I mumbled.
“Go help her. Chicks dig men that help them,” he said. “Come on, boy. Go!”
“EYY-EYY, EYY, EYY! OOOOOH! OOH-OOH, OOH-OOH! EYY-EYY! OOH-OOH, OOH-OOOOOOOOH. NEEDLESS TO SAY, I KEEP HER IN CHECK. SHE WAS ALL BAD-BAD, NEVERTHELESS! CALLIN’ IT—”
Mort punched me right in…uh…the cookies? I fell to the ground as I saw Tracie finishing off that Mort guy, and his brothers fleeing away, afraid.
Afterwards, Churrrrrrrrros! (Pt. 2)
After the fight, Jim, Tilly, Tracie, Micheal and I went to the local churro stand for, um, churros. Except for Jim, he got a donut.
“Great job, guys,” Jim said. “But—oh, wow, this is really decent—there’s one more quadruplet left! You know him, his name is—wow, oh my gosh—Morter, and—wow, I’m never eating another donut again but from this place.”
Tilly rolled her and squirted the chocolate filling in her churro onto Jim’s clean white shirt.
“Hey!” he said. Tilly walked away, smug, and Micheal was literally taking a photo of the poor guy. Tracie was laughing at him, when…
SHE TOUCHED MY HAND MY INNER GEEK IS GEEKING OUT WHAT NOW AAAAAAHHHH—
Micheal’s comment: >;)
Tilly’s comment: huh
Jim’s comment: Curious.
Oh No, He IS Bad
The next day was the second-to-last day in Virginia. Surprisingly, unlike what Michael predicted, Morter had not struck the day his brothers did. However, in the morning, Micheal called me and told me to meet him “down by the dumpster at the back of the local QwikPick gas station off of Abrams Blvd. and Johnson Ave.”
“What is it?” I asked him, whispering.
“This.” He stuck a needle into my arm.
His Mysterio costume got more and more distorted…it became more life-like…he was Mysterio! I looked down at my hands…I was in Miles Morales’s Spider-Man suit!
“You’re a normal high schooler, like me, right?” Micheal said. “We can become close friends, Aiden, I’m sure of it. But I want revenge. Revenge on Spider-Fold for ruining my reputation and OrigVenom for foiling my plans.”
An illusion of Anya Corazon appeared, with Micheal choking her.
“Don’t you want to keep HER safe? Our dear OriSpider-Girl?”
Anya turned into…Tracie? Oh no, my inner overprotective geek was emerging!
I tackled Micheal like a tiger, and the illusion stopped. Everything went back to normal.
“Stop it right there, MyStErIgAmI!” Jim’s voice said jokingly. He appeared in front of Micheal and I and searched him for any remaining weapons or needles. “All good to go. Let’s kill him.”
Jim disappeared, and in his place, Micheal.
I looked over to my side! Mortimer, Morty and Mort!
“CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH—”
Sorry ‘Bout Your Coffee Bag
I woke up in a soft meadow. Daffodils, roses, dandelions, tupils…a big white-tailed deer buck and his mate, plus their little baby, were passing, bees were buzzing, and—
I woke up in the snack aisle of the QwikPick. Cheetos, Doritos, Frito-Lays, Funyuns…a big share-size bag of Lays chips, a share-size Cheeto Puffs bag, and a little Welch’s fruit gummies bag were passing, flies were buzzing, and I had a headache.
“Where am I?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” a slightly familiar face said. Wasn’t that the McQuarrie Middle “Cheeto Hog”…?
Half an hour later, Clark was picking me up in his mom’s car.
“Get in, squirt.”
As I buckled myself in, I said, “Hey, so I’m actually really sorry about your coffee bag. I just got betrayed by someone so hard, and gosh, it hurts…”
“Oh, Aiden,” Clark said. “You’re an okay kid…maybe. Possibly. Probably not. I’ll hope. But what I do know is that you have a good heart. So use it. Also, by the way, your puppet needed major modding. Here.”
It was the film version of Miles Morales. How did he…?
“You’re right!” I said. “Now I’m gonna get out there and face Morter and Micheal! All alone!”
I hopped out of the car excitedly.
“Wait…don’t you want a ride to where you wanna go?…Aiden!”
Christiansburg Bridge Is Falling Down (Not As Catchy, Really)
Morter held Tracie by the legs, Jim by the arm, and Micheal held Tilly by the arms.
“Where’s Aiden?” Tracie said. “Aiden? AIDEN!!!!!”
I still wasn’t there, but luckily, Jin told me that is what happened while I was gone.
“Tell me your last words now, before I fill your pockets with heavy metals and then drop you to the bottom of the river! Ha!”
Jim shouted, “I like anime!”
Tilly screamed, “I liked Andy Gardner in elementary school!”
Tracie yelled, “I like Aiden!”
“Really?” Jim said. “That dude?”
“Oh, wow, I guess the feeling’s mutual,” I said.
“Aiden!” all three shouted.
“HA HA, PUNY—”
I punched him…uh…in the cookies.
He fell down, his eyes tearing up.
We all turned around. Kasdan.
“MITCHELLS, WE HA—”
“Uh-uh, Mikey-boi. You cut Tracie off, so I’ll cut you off as I please. It’s about the kill, man, not the attack, so chill.”
I kicked him in the face.
“So, like, churros again?” Tilly asked.
“No! We’re going for victory Mexican food this time! No more purposeful chocolate-spilling, miss!”
As Jim and Tilly walked away, Tracie stayed with me.
“You were amazing out there,” she said. “Why didn’t I think of that when Mort was about to hurt that infant?”
“It was just payback,” I said. She giggled.
“You’re weird, Aiden Mitchells. I like you.” And then she kissed me.
I kissed her back.
“This is actually really awkward, so can we just go with them for Mexican food?”
She kissed me again.
“Alright, enough, I get it, you’re interested!” I said, and I nudged her shoulder. She nudged mine.
By the way, Tilly spilled $10 worth of a giant bowl of guacamole on Jim’s other clean white shirt.
Tracie and I had just went on our first date. It went well.
“So next week, different place?” she questioned.
“Yes,” I answered. “Well, see you tomorrow, milady.”
THE NEXT MORNING…
The Kirby King Official Website
NEWEST ARTICLE BELOW:
SPIDER-FOLD: INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL?
Written by Austin Baker
Hello, Kingers! It is I, Austin B. Baker, reporting live on leaks that Spider-Fold, his dreaded amigo Ezra Cronin, and that quirky little other Spider-Fold named Aiden travelled to Virginia this Spring Break, but wow! Apparently the little one named Aiden caused damage to a Kirby student who he saw there’s nose, and also assaulted a college dropout named Morter Marminson.
Kingers, report back on this criminal, whose name is Aiden R. Mitchells, no matter what! We must stop the fight against Wheeler and fake news! Baker out!
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As I read this in my room, I screamed,
“WHAT THE FURY?!? Er, Nick Fury…I forgot Nick…um…”
THE END (FOR NOW)!