The Relatively Normal Yet a Tad Odd Case of Finger Dude
By Renegade X
It all began on the first day of Dullsvile Unity School, built after some accident that totaled McQuarrie Middle School. I was having such a nice time showing off my new Darth Paper to everyone (a.k.a. shoving it in their faces). It didn’t matter that he constantly got shoved to the ground. It was such a small price to pay to make everyone so jealous of him!
Suddenly, I heard the unmistakable sound of paper getting ripped beneath my shoes. I checked, and found a coupon for some magazine. Sure enough, it was ripped. Funny thing though, it looked like it already had a hole in it.
Next thing I know, I’m hearing someone saying “YOU DARE RIP MY FINGER CAPE?!”
I turned around, and found myself staring straight in the face of the one person who has caused my life extreme pain and misery on several occasions that I refuse to speak of.
“Jake Blake?” I said, “What do you want? Run out of kids to terrorize? Aheheheh…”
“You have ripped my prize finger cape,” he said, “And now you must pay the price!”
I figured he was talking about that coupon I stepped on. Clearly, he subscribed to that magazine.
“Wait, are you talking about that magazine coupon I ripped?” I said, “Because, I know where I can get you another one!”
I don’t think he was interested, because all he said next was “Agnorose Electrolevitose!” The next thing I know I’m getting electrocuted in midair!
“GIGAGIGAGIGAGIGAGOWCH!” is all I could say. It’s a good thing help was only a hallway always…
I love Dullsvile, really I do. The neighborhood is friendly, and the schools are great. The only possible problems arise from 7:35 in the morning to 9:55 in the evening. Harvey’s scream came at 7:36, almost right on schedule. I called in my brother, Joe and friend, Amy to help out. Together, we are the Resistance, a group formed to help fight against the tyranny of Jake Blake!
Of course, ever since he turned good guy, we’ve mostly been just keeping the peace, so Harvey’s screaming meant one of two things: There’s a new villain in town, or the lunch staff left a piece of live squid in the mystery meat. We turn into the cafeteria, and see the most incredible sight I have seen in a long time.
Harvey was 5 feet in the air, supported by lightning, and the lightning was coming from what looked like Jake! Could it be? Na! He turned good, remember? So it must be some evil clone or something! I had to check it out.
So I asked him, “Excuse me, Jake, but don’t you think palpatining Harvey is just a little harsh on the guy?”
“Jake?” he said, “I am not Jake! I am Wenelf the Mysterious, Master of a Thousand Magical Spells!”
As he said that introduction, he made some gesture with his arm – the same arm that was shooting the lighting at Harvey! The good news: Harvey was no longer getting electrocuted. The bad news: he was no longer being levitated either, so his landing was a bit…painful.
As he was getting up, Harvey yelled “Hey! What kind of heroes are you?! That landing was more painful than the take-off! I think… no clue. In any case, this guy is insane! I step on some magazine coupon, accidently rip it, and he goes berserkers! I’m heading to the nurses office. I’m no doctor, but I think getting zapped for, like, 4 or 5 minutes and then falling on a hard floor isn’t exactly a good thing.”
And with that, Harvey was off, leaving behind a trail of mystery and, more noticeably, leg smoke.
I turned to Wenelf and said, “How could you DO that? I mean, yeah he deserves it a little and all, but man, that was intensive!”
His response was simple, yet nonsensical: “It’s all in the finger, my young and slightly chubby acquaintance; it’s all in the finger.”
And with that, he vanished! Actually, he just summoned a ball of smoke and disappeared to the gym. I had no clue what was going on, but I had a feeling I knew someone who did…
Ah, I love Dullsvile’s schools! The talking, the laughter, the tingling sensation you get when you put two wires in a water fountain and drink from it. So as you can imagine, the opening of Dullsvile Unity School was a pretty happy time for me. After all, it’s not every day you get to walk into a school with kids from two other districts!
Of course, back in my villainy days I would have seen this as an opportunity to take over and command more peeps, but now I’m just seeing this as a brand new day in a new school, which normally would only be a once-in-a-lifetime thing in Dullsvile. I’ll explain later. For now, let’s just focus on the morning of Day #1 of Dullsvile Unity School’s long life.
I walked in the door, tried to get a feel of my surroundings. So far, it was exactly like Dullsvile All-school, the school that was here before Unity. It got it’s name from the fact that it had every grade in it except for the college ones.
Anyways, back to my story. I heard a bunch of kids screaming in the general direction of the cafeteria. I figured there was something living in the mystery meat again. Dullsvile All-school, like most districts, did not spend much of their budget on the food supplies, so unless it’s pizza day, steer clear of the school buffet!
Wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah. I saw Harvey running towards the nurse’s office, which was behind me at this point, and he looked…odd. His clothes and skin looked charred, like he just walked out of a fire, and his hair looked like it was wear-your-hair-like-Albert-Einstein-if-your-named-Harvey day. All in all he looked…shocked. Literally.
I asked him what happened and he says, “Like you wouldn’t know! You were just in there, electrocuting my pants off!”
I said to him “No, Harvey, I walked in through the front door 5 minutes ago, and you do look like you need a belt. I could go get my spare one if you need it!”
Harvey, who clearly looked puzzled as to why I carry a spare belt, turned to me and said “Well, if it isn’t you, than that clone of you in there is evil! Evil I tell you, EEEVIL!”
He then walked away, obviously upset. I was wondering what he meant by “evil clone.” I had a hunch, but I couldn’t be sure without proof…luckily, some decided to run right in my direction in the form of TJ, Joe and Amy, my former nemeses and current pals. TJ then told me the strangest story I have ever heard:
“Jake, some twin of yours just palpatined Harvey! He said his name was Wendelf, and I think he’s power crazy!”
That was odd. I had a hunch, but I was not totally sure. I needed more info.
“Whoa, slow down,” I said, trying to get my thoughts together all the while. “Did he call himself ‘Wendelf the mysterious’?”
“Yeah, he did,” he answered.
“Did he happen to have an origami finger on his finger?”
“Huh?” TJ said, clearly confused. “I guess he did have something on his finger…why?”
As soon as he finished that sentence, I knew what was going on. I explained it to them.
“Oh boy, I know who he is. His name is Wendelf, but he calls himself ‘Wendelf the Mysterious’. I think it boots his self-esteem. No one else calls him that. He also has this origami finger he wears everywhere he goes that he calls ‘Finger Dude’. He says it has magical powers, and I don’t doubt that for a second. All I know is that Wendelf is VERY obsessive about it. That and his finger cape he always wears…”
“That explains why he went postal on Harvey when he ripped it by mistake!” TJ, said.
“Wait,” I said, “Harvey ripped his finger cape? No wonder I heard screaming! Of course, it also would have made sense if the sushi menu was attacking 1st graders.”
TJ stared at me blankly. “And how do you know so much about him? Is he your brother?”
“No, actually he is my twin cousin,” I replied.
TJ kept staring. I explained it for an hour, but I still don’t think he is grasping it.
Well, at least explain it’s easier then babysitting my cousin. I just hope a certain gang doesn’t show up anytime soon…
Renegami X’s Side:
Ah, I remember it like it was yesterday. A gang of origami folders who called themselves “The Flatfolders” were terrorizing Mcquarrie middle school. Their main target: kids who wore their origami on their fingers. The Flatfolders believed that wearing origami on your finger was a sign of stupidity. But then, I was folded by Jake, modeled after his Minecraft skin. After getting insulted by them, Jake and I unleashed the power of Fire Aspect and the Diamond Sword of Doom. Needless to say, they never insulted us, or anyone with an origami finger puppet, ever again.
But then, I heard of Wendelf the finger nerd, as some people called him. I heard rumors of his extremely powerful paper finger with magic like you wouldn’t believe. He was also obsessive about them. Not just his finger, but ALL origami finger puppets. He was so obsessive about them, anyone who disliked them even slightly could expect his wrath. Which was bad, because the Flatfolders still were not that crazy about those finger puppets.
True, they no longer launched attacks on people who wore them, but they still felt like they were inferior. Jake knew that if Wendelf ever met the Flatfolders, it would mean an all-out war between them. A war which could easily wreck the school, or worse. That’s why we need to keep Wendelf away from the Flatfolders, and why their leader, Kule Dude, attending the Dullsvile Unity School is one of the worst things that could happen…